Orthodox Parables and Stories: A letter to a lonely woman about the feast of the Nativity of Christ

You complain about loneliness in a big city: there are so many people around you, as if in an anthill, and you feel like in a desert. Holidays are the hardest. Everything around sparkles with joy, and longing squeezes your heart. Nativity and Pascha remind you of empty vessels that you fill with tears. When the holiday is over, and the next one is far away, you are calmer. But, as soon as the pre-holiday time comes, as soon as the holiday comes, longing and emptiness fill your soul.

I will tell you a Nativity story, which I heard from Sister Jovanka; maybe she can help you. Let her tell you the way she told me.

... For more than forty years I have been living in the world alone. I have never known joy, except for my childhood years in my parent's house. But no one saw me in sadness: in public I was always cheerful and joyful, and when left alone, I cried. Everyone considered me happy, because the other did not see me. From all sides I heard complaints from people, from families and singles, from rich and poor, from everyone. And I thought: why should I complain to the unfortunate about my misfortune and increase sorrow around me? I'd rather appear cheerful: maybe in this way I will bring more benefit to this sad world, and I will hide my secret and mourn it alone with myself.

I prayed to God that He would appear to me, that He would give at least a small sign with His finger. I prayed so as not to perish from my secret sorrow. From every income I made, I gave alms. I visited the sick and the poor and brought them joy with my ostentatious gaiety. “I believe in You, most good Lord,” I often said, “but I ask You, appear to me as You Yourself would, so that my faith might be strengthened. “I believe, Lord! Help my unbelief,” I repeated the gospel prayer. Indeed, the Lord appeared to me...

I had the hardest time on the great holidays. After the service, I locked myself in my room and cried all day, both at Nativity and Pascha. But last Nativity the Lord appeared to me. And it was like that. The day of the great feast was approaching. I decided to cook everything, as my mother once taught me. I laid straw on the floor, threw three nuts into each corner: may the mercy of the Holy Trinity be in all four corners of the world. Fulfilling all this, I prayed incessantly: “Lord, send me guests, but very poor and hungry! I beg you, appear to me in the form of the destitute! Sometimes the thought came: “Crazy Jovanka, what kind of guests are you expecting at Nativity! Everyone celebrates this holy day in their home, who could visit you? And I cried and cried again, and repeated the prayer, cooked and cried.

When I returned from the church from the Nativity service, I lit a candle in the room, put refreshments on the table and began to walk around the room. "Lord, don't leave me!" I prayed. But there were no passers-by on the deserted street on Nativity feast day! Our street is deserted. Suddenly I heard snow creaking underfoot and I ran to the door! Is it my guest? No, he passed. The clock has struck noon, and I am alone. I cried and exclaimed: “Now I see, Lord, that You have left me!” And sobbed and cried. Suddenly someone knocked on the door, and I heard a hoarse voice  from tears shout: “Come on, brother! Come on, sister!" I jumped up and opened the door, in front of me stood a blind man with a guide, both in tatters, chilled. "Christ is born, my brothers!" I exclaimed happily. "Truly born! they were moved in response. Have mercy on us, sister! We do not ask for money, since the morning no one has given us bread, only a sip of raki or a penny, and some bread. We are very hungry." I, as if in heaven, led them into the room, seated them at the table and served them, crying with joy. They asked in surprise: “Why are you crying, sister?” “For joy, brothers, for pure and bright joy! The Lord gave me what I asked Him for. For several days now I have been praying to Him to send me guests like you, and behold, He sent. Not only did you come to me: the good Lord sent you. He appeared to me today with you. This is the happiest Nativity day of my life. Now I know: our Lord lives! .- “Glory to Him and praise! Amen,” my guests replied. I left them with me until the evening, then, having filled their sacks with food, I saw them off. “

That was Nativity day for Jovanka. God willing, this year will be even happier. Pray you too, child, that the Heavenly Father appears to you, He has a lot of mercy: and you will have a miracle. Do not prepare for sorrow on this holy day - prepare for joy. And the All-Knowing, the All-Merciful will create joy for you.

St. Nikolai Velimirovic