Father Jerome about the temptations of the novice (from a letter)

I was a bad child. But everyone called me a good boy because they saw me cry in church when others didn't cry.

In October I left for the Holy Mountain. The spiritual father, seeing that I was stooping in body, but even more prevaricating my soul, ordered me to go to the large monastery of Simonopetra - there would be a lot of work, and enough experienced brothers. In addition, there are severe ascetics in Simonopetra. I went to the monastery indicated to me. After all, the first lessons of monastic life were taught to me in Athens, in the temple of the Ascension, by an elder from this monastery.

He was informed of my arrival, and at the meeting he said to me:

You have come to become a monk! Correctly decided. Souls pure as roses blossom in monasticism. But you are a corrupted person, and in order to remove every poison of vice from you, you need to be sent to hard work. Here the monks have enough to do: you see that Russian pilgrims come to us every day, sometimes fifty, and sometimes a hundred. After the fire, our monastery was destroyed by the monastery of Dionysias, which is now rushing at full sail. Our elder, together with the late Father Neophyte, went to Russia and collected money, and thanks to these collections, the monastery was able to be rebuilt and even expanded. Therefore, we feel indebted to all Russian pilgrims.

He knew all my life, and I was silent. I decided to stay at the monastery, but I was confused. My thoughts fought so hard in me that if I had ten drachmas, I would have boarded a ship and gone back.

The elder, anticipating my thought, said: “Read the life of St. Irene of Chrysovolantou. You will know that after coming to the monastery for a monastic life, she never once thought about escaping from the monastery. The devil tried to burn her alive - her clothes were burned, but she did not budge. If the sister from the monastery had not noticed the fire, the saint would have burned to the ground.

You know that in all monasteries there is an image of St. Mary of Egypt. Do you know who she is? Listen to her life. Saint Mary was a harlot. While she was sailing on a ship from Alexandria to Jerusalem, she managed to visit with all the young men on the ship. But when she arrived in Jerusalem, she could not enter the temple of the Life-Giving Sepulcher. And then she made a vow to the Lady Mother of God in front of the icon, which is now kept in the cave of St. Athanasius on Athos. Then she went far into the desert. She had neither an elder nor an adviser. For forty-seven years she suffered from the cold, from the heat, and from all the fears of the desert. The hardest test for her was that there was not a single person around who would simply greet her. She only called out to the Most Holy Guarantor: “Save me!” Talking about her forty-seven years of suffering to the elder Zosima, she said:

And you just came to the monastery and put on black clothes - you think that you will perform a feat of silence simply because you look at Hilarion, who serves in the hospital. Yes, he is an exemplary silent man, an example of silent prayer. But he went to Jerusalem, there he met with holy people, and then, seeking greater silence, he left the world and took tonsure in a monastery.

Or you stared at Father Matthew confessing to so many people. He came here as a little boy, and his soul was always serene - you read this serenity on his face. And you, if you want to purify your soul and remove all poisons, endure abuse, endure beatings, endure persecution until you feel that the poison of shameful passions is no longer in your heart.

I only dared to say:

“Is there really no consolation for me yet?”

- No. As soon as you finish the services that will be assigned to you today, go to your cell and sit on the bench. There, by your will, you despair of yourself. You will understand that none of the people will be able to help you with anything - only our Lord Jesus Christ, who took upon Himself the sins of the entire human race. Then open the "Invisible Scolding", which can be taken from the librarian Father Damian, and read the akathist to Jesus the Sweetest, it is at the end of the book.

When you read on the first day, you will hear a distinct voice in your left ear, which will say to you: “

Hey, crazy, distraught youth, what are you doing here in the place of Adam's exile? Have you not thought of your sisters who will indulge in fornication?

But you only pay attention to the words of prayer. And while reading, think about the fact that if you do not perform the feat of solitude, like St. Mary in the desert, you will not be able to expel the poison from your soul that poisons you with impure passions. And if you do not cleanse yourself of the poison of passions in this life, demons will forever teach you this painful poison, saying:

“Did you prefer the pleasure of passions? Now know all their poison. The Crucified One sent you to a monastery so that you could overcome your passions, but you could not endure even the smallest restrictions. Now suffer forever and ever.

I am writing all this for you so that you can learn from my example.

Until the poison with which the world feeds you is exhausted, you must endure any turmoil. It's good to have other Christians by your side. If you were alone in the desert, how would you cope with yourself? If the devil begins to inspire you with the thought of escaping from the monastery, think how sad the devil's captivity is and what happiness that Christ has freed you. The devil will tell you his own, and you turn to Christ with a prayer:

- My Christ, the Bridegroom of my soul, I love you and long for you, grant me patience, like Mary of Egypt, when she was in the wilderness.

- Hieromonk Chrysanthos (1894–1981), spiritual father of the Skete of Righteous Anna Holy Mount Athos